Affectation
by skylaa555
Summary: They say that words are used to express one's love, anger, melancholy, jubilation, misery or simply everything that put up what our hearts abundantly speaks, but sometimes words could also be used to cover up lies or simply to just deny or hide what is truly inside. One-shot, Inspired by manga 693 [sasusaku]
1. Chapter 1

**authors note: okkk, hi guys!**

**So this is my first one-shot hope you enjoy it!**

**I actually had a hard time writting this because honestly, i was never really a big fan of one-shots that is why i also did not know how this works XD**

**I wrote this for 3 days, even though it was hard, the reason i did was because i was totally inspired by the latest chapter in manga, at first i was devastated because i thought ss will be coming to an end, but when i got to think _outside_ of the box i realize this chapter have so much significance and it totally made their realationship stronger :D**

**I just wanted to thank all the my pro-SS shippers and people from tumblr who also gave me inspiration to write this. :)**

**So all you SASUSAKU SHIPPERS there! Do not give up! We will be sailing to canonship :)**

**Do not mind the ASS (anti sasusaku) **

**Ok so enjoy! And review**

**There may be typos and a few grammatical errors **

**I am just gonna say sorry in advance :)**

**Disclaimer: i dont own naruto, the purpose of this fic is only for fanservicing**

**_"_**_sakura"_

"sasuke"

"thoughts"

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><p>I was blinded...<p>

Too blinded to even saw what was right infront of me until it was gone. the after effect of what i have been through only resulted to me being blindfolded with anger, hatred and vengance, i fed it with all the bitterness that was living deep in the shadows of my heart that it only evolved tremendously for me to see nothing but total darkness,

from there on, everything was pitch black.

I do not know anything but seek for more power, i sought for it then so that i could have the satisfaction of getting vengeance for those people that i hold so dear but i have eventually lost. i thought after murdering the man that took all of the people that i loved and treasured, i would be contented and would be at peace, but no, the burden on my shoulder only weigh more that everyday i felt that i was dragging a thousand pound chains that scrapes my skin and burns my flesh.

it was all because i understood that all was just a misleading fact,

A fact that the accused murderer of a once powerful clan was at the same time is also the most affected victim, he was misunderstood, and he was the one who experienced the most torture of us all, hearing repeatedly their angiush screams and painful groans while you slaughter the people you love is enough to wish for a quicker death, and only hope for the day to come for your brother to come and end your misery. The one that you spared because your love for him overcomed your duties, you spared him because you wished that he would not make the same mistake as his clan have.

But no, i did make the same mistake and in the end i did not felt anywhere near happy or contented, because i never thought avenging the ones i loved would take too much cost for me too lose another one.

After our faithful encounter, i just felt empty, i felt i have no purpose left, because the ambition that i spend almost all of my life was now accomplished.

I started thinking about the meaningless life i have now, and i realize that i have nothing, i have no love, no ties, no family, all i have within me is just corners with either filled with darkness or empty spaces. My first instict is to satisfy all the longing my heart contains, and i could think no other way rather than to seek for more power, so i did.

The reason i sought for it this time was not to avenge my clan, but to avenge for Itachi, i knew Itachi would never would have wanted it to turn out this way and i totally knew better than that, but i could not put my knowledge into action, because doing it will simply say that i should take all the blame,

maybe they were right, maybe no one ruined my life other than myself, because maybe if i chose to look in a different view in my life, i could have seen a different perspective, i could have seen what i still have rather than what i have lost, i could have explored my life more and witnessed all the great future that should have been instored for me rather than sulking and drowning myself with bitterness,

But lastly, i could have treasured those who still cared for me instead of pushing them away.

Over the years, My cruel fate only taught me one thing...

It taught me that we all have a choice, a choice that could result to our great happiness or to our excruciating pain, i chose a crappy way, i chose for more pain.

I resolved to myself that i would choose the path of vengeance, but through all my planning, i only forgot, one thing

I forgot that vengeance is always a double edge knife, i did not even notice that everytime i dig it to their flesh, it also sinks deeper into mine.

I endured all the anguish that i have felt just for the sake of temporary satisfaction, i am not dumb nor i am stupid, i know that all this mess in my life is all my fault,

But even though deep inside i knew i was wrong and i only make my life more miserable, i would never admit it, my damned ego just would not allow it,

That is why i seek for more power, i seek for it because i was looking for someone or anyone who should take the blame rather than me, that is why my mind settled for blaming it on Konoha, i badly so wanted to change the system, that i again did not think of any of the consequences my actions will cost,

Because again, i was too blinded to even notice that, i had my chances where i could change my path and go on a better one, but i didn't, because i was too accustomed and comfortable on this path that i was afraid for change to take over.

When i threatened to kill Naruto, that was the time when i already accepted that in my current state, everything about me is already unsalvaegable, that no one could save me from my inevitable doom.

But all of what i had belived had faltered for a second, when i saw in the corner of my eye how the emerald and jade hues of her orbs flashed with different seasons of emotion, i tried my best to keep my appearance as if i did not care, but deep within me, i also know to myself that i did.

i wanted to just keep walking and get over what i started, but her rasping voice that called out my name with desperation evident in it, got me to immediatly stop on my tracks.

I could not keep my breath from hitching and my heart from hammering when i saw how her usual radiant orbs glistened because of the river of tears that flowed through them.

"_I... I always knew in my heart that there is nothing much i could do about this..."_

I turned my gaze onward, for i could not even dare to look at her, just hearing her voice made me anxious, her voice caused heart to beat so hard against my chest, it caused my mind to go all frenzy, i do not know if i could bear and keep my facade if i saw her tear-streaked face. she have always been my light, the ray of sun that pulls me out of darkness even if it was only for a second, i would not admit it out loud, but i have always knew that she was the only one who could make everything i believed in shake.

"_But i still love you!, no matter what happens, i still care about you more than i could bear!, i never knew you would have turn out this way!"_

And that is when my heart skipped a beat, for those words were so heartbreakingly familiar.

I closed my eyes, thinking it is the only way i could relieve the feeling of guilt that flows within me, as of now, i felt that every moment that happened in my life, have all flashed through in my eyes, it may have been the memorable and haunting ones, or the good and the painful ones, but through it all, my mind focused on one event, the event that i think it is impossible to forget,

It was the unforgetable night when everything in my world just stopped, i felt like i just wanted to paralyze the moment and stare at it for a while, for it was one of the few moments that i felt assured.

As my mind got back on reality, i could not contain but release a smirk thinking how my fate is just so painfully cruel that everything just have to be in freaking parallels, but i also knew that her simple "I love you" always had the ability to touch something unreachable that is living in my heart, something that i kept locked away for all those years, but one thing for sure, It just keeps everything so damn harder.

"_I was never there when you needed help, or even stop you from going to that path, all i did was just sit here and just cry, it is disgraceful really!"_

From that moment on i just wanted her to stop, i am trying so hard to keep everything damn compacted, but everything that she says makes me want to destroy all my walls and just break down emotionally, i never find her pathetic or disgraceful, because sometimes, knowing that she still cares is enough.

"_But-... But Sasuke-kun! If i still have a place in your heart even it is just a little!, please do not slip further away!, If we were all together again i am sure we could go back to what we used to be."_

I was not even breathing anymore, my body was tremendously shaking inwardly that my body managed to let a little slip out, almost all of what i believed in just swayed from that moment on, i was confused. when i heard her little speach, all i wanted to do was believe in all what she said, that if i return to them it will all just be back to normal, i know she have a very large place in my heart, but i also know that i am not ready yet, i am not yet ready to let everything go, i am not yet ready for change and for admiting that i was at fault, and i am not yet ready yet for me again to love. So i gathered all my courage and look at her only partially, and put up the best lies that i have.

"You really are... damned annoying"

The look on her face when i put her in a genjutsu is just unbearable that again i have to look forward, i just wanted her to hate me, i just do not want her to be hurt and be pained amd again to be caused by me, i do not deserve her care and i certainly do not deserve her love.

"Was she having fun in her make-believing fantasy of true love? I do not know why she loves me, but honestly i am not intrested in her at all"

I know it was one of the biggest lies i have ever produced, they say that words are use to express everything our hearts abundantly speaks, but in my case, my words are used to cover up my guilt and what i am trully feeling inside that i yet am not ready to reveal.

I know everything i said was just my "affectation", my "show", a masquerade of speech to cover up my lies.

But what Sakura said will not go unnoticed, because it moved me enough to think that maybe there is still some light left inside me enough to save me from my certain doom, that maybe i was just a boy destroyed by his past.

Although now i am not yet ready for any changes, i am looking forward to the day when, i will learn to forgive, learn to forget, learn how to be humble, learn how to care, learn to be happy, and learn how to love again. When i am ready to accept everything in life and just learn to move on, there is still a little hope living inside me that truly believe thay we could go back to the way we were, where i am not afraid of treasuring someone because of the fearful thought of losing them, where i could value more what i have left than what i have lost, because like what they say you've never know what you got until it's gone.

But what my most awaited moment is when i could be with Sakura without hurting her in anyway, maybe the tables will turn and she will depise just looking at me, but i know a thing that have no two ways about it;

Sakura will always be "my" annoying,

And nothing could ever change that...

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><p><strong>ok so what ya think?<strong>

**pls tell me if you want me to continue it :)**

**if i get enough reviews i will continue this story **

**byee**

**-skylaa555**


	2. au

**authors note: hi guys! I just wanted i thank all of those who favorited, followed and reviewed this story :D. I totally did not expect all those feedback that i got, all of you made my day and made me so happy and giddy and i cant thank you enough because i really felt appreciated :) I just all wanted to hug you one by one because of how sweet you all are :)**

**Anyway i wrote this authors note because as you can see, i did not continue this story because i think this one-shot should "remain" a one-shot, trust me guys, i tried writting a sequel to this but then i realized making a sequel to this would ruin the true meaning of this story and would cut all of the possibilities of "what would happen next. I did my part for making this story as a tribute to the legendary manga and decided to just leave it all to kishi and what comes next in manga, i also want to leave what happens next to your imaginations ;). **

**But dont worry peeps! If your looking for more fluff fot this fic is just to angsty, Look no further!, for i shall give it to you :)**

**Because of the devastating news about Naruto ending, decided to make another story as a tribute :), so too all those who love this story, look forward for my new one-shot comin up! There will be a lot of fluff (trust me ;D ) its post war and its sasusaku :)**

**(For those guest reviewers)**

**Pale blossom: i know right?! Thats the readon i wrote this story**

**Neko-chan: thanks and sorry :(**


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